because of him

I was thinking of my brother-in-law this morning when I awoke; missing him. Realizing how the world changed over a year ago with his death. Sometimes thinking of him causes melancholy to settle into my heart for the day, but not today. Today the thoughts of him are accompanied by joyful delight. And thankfulness. Because at one time, I had him in my life. at one time.

He was the big brother I never had. But did have. Because I had him in my life. And I try to imagine had that not been so, but can't. Can't imagine it. Because I learned so much from him, lessons indelibly tatooed in my soul; life lessons that will carry me through.

He was the person who annoyed the hell out of you by always saying exactly what he thought. Always, and exactly. No matter what. But then, he made you wish to have the courage to be more forthright in your own life. In your own relationships. And I am. Because of him.

He was the person who lived life on his own terms. He spent his hours and days doing exactly what made him happy. He didn't dawdle with the unnecessary. He built his job, one that he loved, around his life; not vice versa, like so many of us. Because of him, I was given that same opportunity, one that I could not have imagined existed for me. But he created it.

His family was his priority. His love. Perhaps most importantly to me, he took care of my sister. He made her happy - most of the time. He was her best friend. She was his. Their relationship one to envy - their togetherness; their oneness. Somehow they had melded and the two was bigger than the one plus one. Now she is learning to be one again. Or, half of two. But because of him, she is becoming much bigger than a half.

And his sons, my nephews, they are the living embodiment of his spirit. He took such joy and pride in his three boys, and he taught them well. Because of him they know how to live rightly. What more could you want from a father?

He gave to others who were less fortunate, and he always gave without want for return. Without any need to be recognized for it. Just because he wanted to. Because he could. And it brought him joy. If I were to guess, I would say that other than his family, doing for and giving to others was one of the biggest joys of his life. That, and golf, and friends. He knew what was important. Because of him, I do too.

And these, these are the things he taught me just by living.

His death? I learned from that too. Learned that life is short. Too short. You gotta' live today. Not next week, or next month, but today. And while you're doing it, love the people around you. That is really all there is.